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June 3, 2005
Charlotte "Food Board"
Given Mayor Pat McCrory's announcement that he is "at peace" with the end of the American Dream here in Charlotte, I thought it would be timely to share this previously-owned post on the Charlotte Mecklenburg Food System.***
[This is a parody, which means an attempt to be funny. Names were not changed because there are few innocent.]
For decades the City of Charlotte and Mecklenburg County have run the nutritional system. While a few private grocery stores and restaurants exist, 96% of Charlotte citizens’ food is supplied through a number of Charlotte Mecklenburg Food Board distribution centers. Traditionally, most of the distribution centers have been located close to uptown.
As CharMeck growth has exploded, pressure on the food system has created shortages and conflicts. The suburbs are demanding more food distribution centers and better nutrition. The inner city is demanding renovation of aging centers. The food board says there is nothing it can do without more local, state, and national funding. Without that funding, it will need to sell food bonds for the renovation and building of food distribution centers.
Meanwhile, Charlotte national and state nutritional rankings are far below where they should be. People, particularly the children, are not getting the nutrition they should be getting. The food board points to occasionally spotty areas of improvement, while critics point out longer-term problems.
In order to get to the root of the problem, The Charlotte Capitalist sponsored a workshop to drive discussion of the CharMeck nutritional system. It invited both politicians and pundits. While no ideas or action items, or for that matter anything worthwhile was created, there was a lot of revealing discussion.
Here are some, ugh, highlights from the workshop.
****
Mayor Pat McCrory, EATS (Everybody Angry & Thin System) sidekick Ron Tober, and County Board of Commissioners Tom Cox and Parks Helms took questions about their light meal program from a number of pundits.
Andy Clarkson, of The Charlotte Capitalist: Mayor Pat, can you describe your light meal program please? First of all, what is a light meal?
Charlotte Mayor Pat McCrory: Ahhh would be happy to Andy. A light meal is a 1 oz. Slim Jim, a baby carrot stick, and one Lance peanut butter cracker all neatly packaged together with a Charlotte city council member trading card.
Clarkson: How do Charlotte citizens participate in the light meal system?
McCrory: You have to put this into the context that light meal is only a piece of a much larger initiative I call “Smart Foodâ€. Charlotte citizens would bike to light meal stations to pay for and pick up their light meals.
Clarkson: Where would these stations be located?
McCrory: We have a multi-phase approach that we will have no clue of as to how effective it will be for at least 20 to 30 years. That is, long after I am out of here. The first phase consists of building a path of stations along what I affectionately call the “Corridor of Crapâ€. Oh, and I did just want to take one minute to say hello to each and every one of my voters along South Boulevard.
Clarkson: Yes, sir, that shouldn’t take long. How does the food get to the light meal stations?
McCrory: Well Andy, this is where the “smart†in Smart Food comes in. We are creating a $6 billion fixed rail transport system that will transport daily the millions of light meal packages produced in the uptown light meal production system to the stations. Again that’s where the citizens on bikes will enthusiastically purchase the light meals.
Clarkson: Enthusiastically?
McCrory: Yes, of course. All that biking in the fresh air makes one hungry. Especially in winter. I know. I used to bike through Europe. I love Europe. Why can’t Charlotte and all of America be more like Europe?
Clarkson: I have a study here from respected food transport analyst Wendell Cox and another one from food systems analyst Ted Balaker of the Reason…
County Commissioner Tom Cox: Terrorists! Those guys are anti-light meal. They are terrorists. You, too Clarkson. I can see where you are going with this. You’re a bomb-thrower Clarkson. I see it in your eyes.
Clarkson: [turning to County Commissioner Parks Helms]: Mr. Helms, sir, could you please control Mr. Cox?
Helms: Sorry, I’m just here to see if I can get my name on a food distribution center or an uptown light meal station or something. Yes, I can see it, all sparkly and bright, “The Parks Helms Uptown Food Distribution Center†– a monument in honor of all my great nutritional work for the people. You know, it’s all about the people. Especially the little ones.
Clarkson: Oh my God. Mayor Pat, back to the question, please. This study says that each light meal package will cost taxpayers $12.39. That’s per package. Doesn’t that seem outrageously high for a 1 oz. Slim Jim, a baby carrot stick, a Lance peanut butter cracker, and a city council member trading card?
McCrory: Andy, you’re not getting it. You need to think big. This is part of the bigger picture -- Smart Food. I am giving people choices.
Clarkson: Seems to me Mayor Pat that you are actually denying choices. If you want people to have choices you wouldn’t force them to ride bikes to light meal stations. You wouldn’t force taxpayers to support a light meal program in which they likely won’t participate. That is not choice.
McCrory: Where do you live? On some “Driveway of Doo-Doo� Hundreds of millions of Charlotteans everyday are going to ride their bikes to light meal stations. It’s going to be a huge success. Just like the trolley is.
Stuart Watson of WCNC Investigators: I beg to differ, Mayor Pat. My investigative team looked at your EATS chief’s prior light meal project in Cleveland. To be blunt, the Cleveland light meal program is an empty plate. No one eats light meals.
McCrory: Watson, I saw your story. And it’s a “Parkway of Poopâ€. Ron, set Stuart straight here.
EATS Chief Tober: Well, Pat, I’ve been meaning to get around to this subject. And I guess now is as good as any other time. Stuart’s right. No one eats on that system. I mean we may transport a few dozen, on a good day maybe a couple of hundred light meals down the fixed rail, but that’s about it. Man, billions of dollars. Kind of weird if you think about it, you know?
McCrory: The bikers, what about the bikers?
Tober: Sorry boss.
McCrory: Wow, a real “Highway of Heapâ€, hunh? Well, that’s okay. I have never let reality get in my way before. We are moving forward to Charlotopia! Help me out here Ed.
Ed Williams, Opinion Editor of The Charlotte Observer: Yes, boss. I understand and agree with the individualist and capitalistic urge to eat. I mean I get hungry, too, you know. But an individual’s need to eat must be tempered by the needs of society. Capitalist food? You mean where individuals and corporations are free to run the nutrition system and not the government? Well, it is clear what would happen then. There would be no food for the poor. The rich would drive up the price of food, buy it all, and the poor would be left with empty shelves and would starve. You would have the top 5% of the wealthy people in Charlotte eating and the rest of us would have nothing. That’s the way capitalism always works. That’s why we need light meal.
McCrory: Go get ‘em Eddie!
Williams: A capitalist nutritional system would also disrupt the social order. I don’t like it when someone has more than me. We need to be egalitarian about these things. People don’t really earn their money. They get lucky. Why should some lucky people eat steak while the rest of us have to beg for scraps? That’s what you want with your capitalist nutritional system? Well, that’s what you would get if you don’t have the government run the nutrition system. And that’s why you need both the light meal system and to keep the food board in control, I mean in-charge, I mean…
McCrory: Ed, you mean providing choice…don’t you?
Williams: Yes, of course, tempered choices.
Clarkson: Mayor Pat and Ed, we need to focus upon this choice thing. You are saying that only government must run the food system, but that you are providing choices. Also, Mayor Pat, your Smart Food program includes regionalism. Regionalism is going to prevent the citizens of Charlotte from sneaking over the border into other counties to eat better and less expensively.
McCrory: That’s right. The last part you mentioned is really Susan Burgess’ idea. She read it in a book and then even took the initiative to take a class. A real ambitious gal she is. I like walking behind her into city council meetings. Mmmm, it’s better than walking around with a package of Lance crackers in your front left dungaree pocket, if you catch my drift. I love the Germaness about her and her European instincts. She is going to rule Charlotopia one day.
Clarkson: Ugh. My point is, sir, if I parse what you are saying, your words contradict themselves about choice…
McCrory: Let me parse something for you pajama-boy. I want to give you the choices. That doesn’t mean that you people are going to create and make your own choices. Ahhh am going to give you choices and for now that choice is light meal. I wunt to be Senator Pat. Governor Pat. President Pat. I deserve it, damn it. I deserve it. Ten freakin’ years as Mayor Pat of Charlotte, for God’s sake. Charlotte, freakin’, North Carolina! Can you believe it? The best years of my life?
I can’t stand it any more. I’m going to ride my very, very, I wouldn’t kid you about this, super successful $40 million trolley out of this “Superhighway of Sh…
****
Workshop discussion between WBT radio talk show host Jason Lewis and food board superintendent James Pughsley.
Jason Lewis of WBT: Dr. Pughsley, the Charlotte Mecklenburg Food Board continues to fail to produce proper levels of nutrition to the people of CharMeck. Calories delivered are down, vitamins levels are basically flat and that is only because of the new forced vitamin program, and hunger levels are increasing. What is going on and what are you doing about it?
Pughsley of the Food Board: Let me say this Mr. Lewis, it is a question of money. I can’t produce more and better nutrition unless the food board gets more money. Government resources are tight as you know. I have fought for more money. It’s just not there.
Lewis: What do you suggest? Higher taxes?
Pughsley: I hear it coming now, a conservative rant against taxes. Well, Mr. Lewis, some of us live in the real world. Without more taxes, there is not going to be more food. Some of us do more than talk for a living. Some of us have to “actâ€. I know the people are against more taxes, but if they want nutrition, we are just going to have to take the money from them anyway -- either through taxes or food bonds.
Lewis: What efforts have you made to improve your results based upon the resources you have now?
Pughsley: We are doing a number of things to make people feel better about their lack of nutrition. The inner city hungry kids are getting FUBU t-shirts that say, “My stomach is empty, but I am full of self-esteem.â€
Lewis: What about the suburbs? Those folks have to get up early, in the dark, to get to distant food distribution centers. By the time they get there, often the good food is gone. They try to get help, but you are understaffed. What are you doing for them?
Pughsley: I empathize with their plight and we are addressing that. We have created a bumper sticker program that says, “My kid goes hungry at ‘blank’ food distribution center.†If we can’t provide them with nutrition, at least we can create a sense of pride and community spirit around the distribution centers. That will help kids become productive members of society.
Lewis: Some have suggested that we completely dispose of the government-run food distribution system and go to a completely privately-owned system where individuals and corporations in the free enterprise system create grocery stores and restaurants that meet market nutritional demands.
Pughsley: I sense an undertone of racism Mr. Lewis. I…
Lewis: What?!?!
Pughsley: Allow me to answer your question. 43% of the people we nourish are African-Americans. 43% are Caucasian. The rest are from diverse set of proud races and nationalities. The food board is proud to say that .001% of our customers are Peruvian of Incan descent.
Lewis: What?!?!
Pughsley: I am inferring from your question Mr. Lewis that you prefer the government to step aside so that we can have segregated food distribution centers. Separate but equal Mr. Lewis? Those days are gone sir.
Lewis: What?!?!
Pughsley: Many have marched…
****
The workshop included a joint interview of the local enviro-groups SEQL, Centralina Council of Government, and the ghost of Voices & Choices by WBT radio talk show host Keith Larsen.
Larsen: So what are you theenking about the worsening nutritional situation here in Charlotte?
Enviro-groups:
We represent the Air and Tree Guild
The Air and Tree Guild, The Air and Tree Guild
We represent the Air and Tree Guild
And in the name of the Air and Tree Guild
We ask you to leave the Land.
Larsen: It doesn’t seem like you are theenking this through. Is govco making the situation better or worse?
Enviro-groups:
We represent the Air and Tree Guild
The Air and Tree Guild, The Air and Tree Guild
We represent the Air and Tree Guild
And in the name of the Air and Tree Guild
We ask you to leave the Land.
Larsen: I’m theenking that you are not theenking. People are not getting their nutrition levels here in CharMeck. Our rankings are pretty bad. What do we do to help people?
Enviro-groups:
We represent the Air and Tree Guild
The Air and Tree Guild, The Air and Tree Guild
We represent the Air and Tree Guild
And in the name of the Air and Tree Guild
We ask you to leave the Land.
Larsen: I am starting to theenk that you don’t care about people.
Enviro-groups:
We represent the Air and Tree Guild
The Air and Tree Guild, The Air and Tree Guild
We represent the Air and Tree Guild
And in the name of the Air and Tree Guild
We ask you to leave the Land.
Larsen: I’m theenking you people are nuts!
Enviro-groups:
We represent the Air and Tree Guild…
Crossposted to the Egosphere
Originally from The Charlotte Capitalist (TM), ReBlogged for Meta Blog
Comments
That's so funny. Thanks I needed that.
Posted by: Jim Woods at June 5, 2005 6:47 PM
